The Fiat was overdue some TLC now that it was officially retired as Karen’s work car. It had recently been serviced and the minor electrical issues fixed, so the deep cleaning could begin. Today would be part one: an exterior wash and a clear-out of the inside. Sounds simple enough.
But first, I’d give the Toyota a quick rinse. We’d only had it a week, so it wasn’t that dirty, but while I was in the mood for washing cars it would be a gentle warm-up and an easy win. I was wrong. I hadn’t yet experienced the challenges of washing a super-intelligent car.
My golden rule of washing cars is to make sure the doors and windows are shut (for obvious reasons), the car is unlocked and the key is safely in my pocket. Many times I’ve been startled when the cleaning process rocks the car and sets the alarm off. Checked.
As I worked my way around the bodywork I became aware of a beeping noise coming from the car. Had it sensed someone messing around with the bodywork, or coming too close? I decided to ignore it.
As I sponged over the driver’s door handle the car suddenly sprang into life. The wing mirrors swung back, the lights came on, the dashboard lit up and I’m sure I saw the wiper blades sweep the windscreen.
I jumped back, startled, and looked around to check that no neighbours, or Karen, had seen me nearly fall over the bucket of water.
“Ha, nearly got me there, Mr Toyota,” I muttered, composing myself.
I continued washing towards the back of the car.
Suddenly, as I was sponging the rear bumper, a buzzer sounded and the boot started to open. I jumped back, once again surprised by this car protecting itself. I should explain that I wear wellies for car cleaning. They are big, floppy and cumbersome. It turned out my out-of-control welly had briefly passed under the bumper and set off a boot-opening sensor that neither Karen nor I knew the car had.
I quickly reached for the closing button before too much water went in.
‘You got me that time,’ I thought.
I was on high alert for any more self-preservation tricks this car had.
I’m sure I saw an LED blink as I walked past the camera concealed in the front bumper. I wondered if it had taken my picture and emailed it to Toyota HQ in Tokyo. I was already on the watch list of the Chainsaw Guild. I didn’t need another one.
So much for an easy warm-up act before the real job of the day.
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