Forwards and occasionally sidewards – everyday musings of life

Tempted as I was to simply Photoshop two missing family members into yesterday’s group photo, we decided a proper visit to see Uncle Dave and Auntie Stella in person was probably the better option. Lunch was booked, and we set off—via a garden centre, naturally.

Garden centres are easily my least favourite shops on the planet. To me, they are an elaborate, overpriced trap. They deploy sneaky tactics, forcing unsuspecting customers to weave through an endless labyrinth of cheap, imitation, gimmicky rubbish they had zero intention of buying. There is always a “sale” on—which, if you actually do the maths, isn’t a sale at all—alongside “bargain-priced” tools that snap at the slightest hint of horticultural resistance. To top it off, the cafes are just cheap bolt-on lures designed to detain you even longer. I utterly loathe the places.

Unfortunately, Mum adores garden centres and is physically incapable of leaving one empty-handed.

I issued a strict 30-minute time limit. Any longer, I warned, and we’d be late for lunch—or at least, that was the story I went with. In truth, thirty minutes gave us a ten-minute buffer for traffic delays on my second least-favourite road in the UK: the dreaded A34.

The last time we saw David and Stella’s new place, it was a wall-to-wall mountain of removal boxes and stacked furniture. Today, it was beautifully organised, wonderfully homely, and the perfect space for them.

With photos taken, lunch consumed, and flowers delivered, it was time to think about heading back. The original plan was for me to drop Mum home this evening, but I simply couldn’t face the prospect of tackling both the A34 and the A303 in a single day. Even Chris Rea didn’t have the stomach to write a song about those two, which surely out-do the M25 for sheer misery.

Instead, we decided Mum could stay the night. I’ll tempt her into an early departure tomorrow morning by deploying classic garden centre tactics—luring her straight past a decent coffee shop on the way out.