Forwards and occasionally sidewards – everyday musings of life

Apparently, we weren’t having an official grand opening ceremony after all—just family coming over. Though if you ask me, offering fully guided tours of the house, accompanied walks around the garden, and hours of structured deck lounging sounds suspiciously like an opening ceremony.

Karen seems to possess a magical ability to produce delicious food, casual snacks, and endless cold drinks out of thin air. Throughout lunch, the fridge yielded a seemingly bottomless supply of cured meats and fresh salads—half of which I had no idea were even in the house. Perhaps that’s the real benefit of an internet-connected fridge: it’s secretly placing emergency Waitrose deliveries behind my back as the shelves empty out.

Meanwhile, Freddie kept us all firmly on our toes. He spent the day cooking up his now-famous “Woodland Soup”, along with a seasonal special for the warm weather: “Woodland Salad”. The salad featured a much higher holly-leaf content than the soup, which traditionally flavours a heavier soil and gravel base. Chef Fred’s kitchen strictly produces low-calorie, vegan, and gluten-free cuisine (though other, more digestible soups are certainly available).

After these culinary delights, Freddie decreed that we all needed a trip to the park to burn off whatever microscopic fraction of energy we had left after chasing him around the garden all morning. The wooden train was the main attraction. The adults were more than happy to play along, mostly because it offered a rare opportunity to actually sit down. Fred’s imagination steered us on an epic voyage past melting icebergs and active volcanoes, fending off the dreaded Bombarians along the way, while Jack decided to ride on the roof to make the Deli Express feel truly authentic.

As Fred was finally strapped into his car seat at the end of the day, I’m almost certain I caught a heavy-lidded blink and a sneaky yawn. I reckon he’ll be sound asleep before they even cross the Pewsey parish line.