Forwards and occasionally sidewards – everyday musings of life

I cannot prove definitively that Russell was behind the almighty mess left on the deck during one of his morning fly-bys, but I have my strong suspicions. Short of a flying cow passing over the garden, I’m not sure how a single bird managed to generate a dropping of such terrifying proportions. It didn’t merely land; it exploded across the decking, splattered up the brickwork, covered the glass, and somehow worked its way into the tracks of the patio doors.

Given that it conveniently missed the garden furniture, I can only assume this was a strategically targeted attack designed to maximise human foot-traffic collision.

Naturally, cleaning the deck spiralled into scrubbing the patio doors, which then led to polishing the balustrade glass. That was my entire morning sorted. Surprisingly, there were far fewer dog nose prints on the glass than expected—the local bird population had left significantly more tradecraft than the dogs. If this is how they express their gratitude, I’ll certainly be reviewing their ration allocations when the feeders go back up.

Later in the day, we had a visit from the man taking final measurements for our blinds and curtains. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite so fiercely passionate about their profession. Personally, I struggle to generate much enthusiasm for curtain rails, fabric drop, sag, or pleats, but this chap approached the window frames like a master craftsman. I half-expected him to pull out a micrometre to double-check his millimetres.

(To be entirely clear, he isn’t visually impaired—he works for the window blinds company. Though given his intensity, he certainly suffered no lack of vision).