Forwards and occasionally sidewards – everyday musings of life

Karen woke me from a deep sleep at 7:00 AM. My body is clearly trying to claw back all the missed hours from the past week, and left to my own devices, I could have easily slept until noon. However, remembering that our new garden furniture was due to be delivered today, a sneaky thought crossed my mind: I might just be able to steal a sneaky 20-minute afternoon nap on the new lounger.

I hatched a cunning plan: power through my task list this morning, and enjoy the fruits of my labour this afternoon.

I charged through the first couple of hours with absolute enthusiasm, ticking off everything from the washing and daily caravan chores to grooming Moog and completely clearing the deck. By 9:00 AM, I was primed and ready for the delivery truck.

I set up my project work in the caravan, figuring I’d easily hear them pull up. With one eye on my screen and the other glued to the driveway, the hours ticked by. I wolfed down a quick lunch just in case they arrived mid-bite. Nothing. By mid-afternoon, the creeping dread set in that they had forgotten us entirely.

Then, a plot twist: Graham turned up at 3:30 PM to finish off the final snagging list. Today marks another massive milestone—the official completion of the actual building work! I consoled myself with the fact that even if the furniture was a no-show, we’d achieved a major victory.

Finally, at 4:00 PM, the delivery truck rumbled up the drive.

I had naively assumed each item would have a single, thin layer of protective plastic that I could whip off with a Stanley knife before collapsing onto the deck. I was very, very wrong.

It is no wonder the planet is running out of resources. The furniture was cocooned in enough bubble wrap, insulated paper, heavy-duty tape, cling film, and industrial cardboard to withstand a re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere.

I had been looking forward to spending a blissful hour testing the ergonomics of the new recliner. Instead, by the time I had hacked, clawed, and wrestled my way through the endless, suffocating layers of packaging, it was practically dark.

So, that’s Saturday completely mapped out for me. I won’t be sitting on the furniture enjoying the sunshine; I’ll be flattening a small mountain of cardboard and playing Tetris with it in the back of the car for a trip to the recycling centre.