Forwards and occasionally sidewards – everyday musings of life

I found the ultimate cure to stop me waking up at 3 AM: watch England play football until 1 AM.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed watching the World Cup matches this year. Well, I say “enjoyed”, but it’s actually a volatile cocktail of excitement, frustration, and borderline fury. Like millions of others shouting at the telly, I possess the flawless, definitive solutions required to build a winning side. Why the manager can’t see what is blindingly obvious from my sofa remains one of life’s great mysteries.

The fact that I’ve never set foot in a betting shop in my entire life hints that I’m not exactly a gambling man. Yet, I am entirely convinced I have more chance of predicting a tactical masterclass than winning the lottery. Against all odds, England beat Norway 2-1 and are through to the semi-finals. Another late night beckons, no doubt.

Today’s entry wouldn’t be complete without a mention of the cold. Are you as fed up with reading about it as I am living it? It is finally on its way out, but it’s refusing to go quietly. Between yesterday’s high-intensity cleaning operation and the midnight football drama, my energy levels hit absolute zero. Today was reserved for horizontal contemplation on the deck.

As if the cold wasn’t sapping enough vitality, my body decided to introduce a secondary antagonist: a mouth ulcer.

These things are angry, spiteful little devils. I say “little”, but that’s an optical illusion. To the naked eye in the bathroom mirror, it looks no bigger than a pinhead. To my tongue, however, it feels like a yawning, jagged moon crater that has taken up residence inside my lower lip. It’s an absolute volcanic wasteland of sensitivity. Karen was particularly amused by this specific specimen, mostly because it arrived heavily camouflaged in a brown trim of last night’s Indian curry sauce. It turns out Lamb Rajasthani is not an approved medical ointment.

My immune system is officially fighting a war on two fronts, so the gym is getting a tactical holiday for a few days. The body has surrendered; the deck has won.